Module 3C: Listening with All Six Senses

To enhance listening skills and appreciate the fundamental importance of listening in outreach and engagement

The learning activities in this section are designed to engage participants with the subject material using informative and interactive approaches. Instructors will need to determine which, if not all, of these activities to carry out depending on a) participants’ learning needs and interests, b) the focus of the training, and c) time available.

Instructors are encouraged to prepare for each activity by reviewing the handouts to be given to participants and by reading the recommended resource papers and materials that are listed. These papers and materials, along with other relevant resources, will provide useful background information to assist in fulfilling the purpose of this section. The amount of time suggested for each activity should be adjusted as needed.

Purpose: To illustrate the challenges of effective communication

Time: 10-15 minutes

Materials:

Handout: Communication Eye-Opener

Blank sheets of paper, pencils

Preparation:

Review the procedure to be familiar with the exercise. Try it with a friend.

Procedure:

1. Explain that the reason for doing this simple exercise is to illustrate the challenges and complexities of communication.

2. Break into pairs and instruct each person to sit back-to-back to one another.

3. Distribute a blank sheet of paper and pencil to one person in each pair. Ensure that he or she has a hard surface on which to write.

4. Distribute a copy of the handout to the other person in each pair. Be sure that none of the participants who were given the paper and pencil has any opportunity to see or even catch a glimpse of the handout. (If this should occur, a new handout can be created using different simple shapes.)

5. The task of the person with the handout is to give detailed verbal instructions to the drawing partner so that he or she can create a drawing that looks the very same as the shapes/figures on the handout. The drawing partner listens to the instructions but is not permitted to ask questions or respond verbally in any way. Obviously, neither is permitted to look at each other’s paper during the exercise.

6. Allow several minutes for the pairs to work on the drawing exercise and then have everyone stop at the same time. Have the pairs compare the drawing that the drawer "heard" with the images on the handout.

7. Take time as a group to talk about the experience of doing this exercise for both partners. How accurate was the drawing? What were the challenges? Frustrations? How attentive to detail was the person who was giving instructions (e.g. to size, dimensions, shading, position on the page)? How helpful would it have been if the drawer had been permitted to verbally interact with the partner? How does this illustrate the difficulties of communication in our daily relationships? In outreach?

Purpose: To increase appreciation for the power of listening in our lives for both the one being listened to and the listener

Time: 30-35 minutes

Materials:

Handout: The Power of Listening

Optional: CD or audiotape player, instrumental music selection, and/or poetry or a short story

Listening is integral to our lives. It provides us with important information and insights. It keeps us focused, balanced and connected. Listening is essential to how we relate with one another, with ourselves, with nature, with the spiritual realm, and with other aspects of the world around us.

Listening is perhaps the single most powerful and effective tool that outreach workers have at their disposal. It lies at the heart of this work. Henri Nouwen observes that "our greatest gift … is our ability to be there, to listen and to enter into solidarity with those who suffer."

People see themselves and others differently when they are listened to well.

Listening is the key to building trust, gaining understanding, and creating the conditions for taking action. Without it, little can be done to effect change or accomplish anything of lasting value.

Listening is an art and a technique, an attitude and an activity. It is a difficult skill to master for it requires much more than the use of one’s ears and merely "hearing the words." Listening well requires the use of one’s whole being. Like any other skill, it needs to be learned and practiced over and over.

Listening is ultimately a commitment to enter actively and deeply into a relationship with another human being. Though not always easy, it is through such relationships that the listener can also be renewed and rewarded by the relationship itself and the gifts that the other brings to it.

Review the handout and take time to "listen" for yourself to what it has to say. In addition, review the activity steps and make preparations accordingly.

Procedure:

1. Introduce the activity by providing a synopsis of the comments above including your own insights about the power of listening.

2. Next, move into a period of silence. Comment that even in silence, perhaps especially in silence, there is much to be "listened to" in relationship to oneself and the world beyond. Encourage everyone to be as quiet as possible, to close their eyes if they wish, and to listen carefully to the "silence."

3. After three minutes or so, facilitate a brief discussion about what participants "heard" externally and internally in the silence (e.g. outside noises, their own breathing, a cough, a feeling of calm or anxiety, distracting or creative thoughts, etc.) and how it affected them.

4. As a next step, play a piece of instrumental music (e.g. classical, jazz or some other style) for about three minutes. Elicit comments about how music can affect us. Alternatively, read a piece of poetry or a short story and elicit similar comments.

5. Comment that just as we are impacted when we listen attentively to silence, music, or words, so are we affected when we listed mindfully to another in the context of a relationship. This requires a special commitment of time and attention, but the potential rewards are well worth the effort.

6. Go over the various points in the handout on "The Power of Listening." Then ask participants for some examples when someone had listened well to them and how they knew this was the case. Next, ask for examples of times that they were the ones who listened well and how they knew this to be the case.

7. Conclude the activity by reading the quotes above by Henri Nouwen and Anthony De Mello. De Mello is speaking about a similar concept to the "power of listening" but uses the language of "seeing" instead of "listening."

Purpose: To increase awareness about the profound influence that listening well, and not listening, has on others

Time: 30 minutes

Materials:

Handout: Six Habits of Highly Ineffective Listeners

Handout: Listening Well

Preparation:

Review the content of the two handouts and the procedure steps for this activity.

Procedure:

1. Explain with "tongue-in-cheek" that this activity is designed to help participants improve their ineffective listening "skills" because outreach workers sometimes get rusty from not using them.

2. Distribute the "Six Habits of Highly Ineffective Listeners" handouts. Tell participants to ignore the parenthetical comments on the handout. Review the six habits (e.g. On-Off Listening, Red Flag Listening, etc.) and instruct participants how to practice them providing demonstrations and tips as needed!

3. Divide the group into pairs. Instruct one partner to speak for about a minute on the topic: "Something I’m really proud of is …" (or some similar topic). The listener is instructed to practice the various ineffective listening skills they just learned or, otherwise, to act in an inattentive, distracted and disinterested manner (but not walk away) while the speaker tells her/his story. Have them switch roles and repeat the exercise.

4. With your "tongue-back-in-its-normal-location," ask each person to take turns speaking on the same topic noted above but this time the listener is to be engaged and interested in the conversation.

5. After each has taken their respective turns, solicit comments about the contrasting ways that participants experienced the two listening approaches.

6. As needed, refer back to the handout on the "Six Habits of Highly Ineffective Listeners" and review and discuss the suggestions in parentheses about how to overcome barriers to listening effectively.

7. Reiterate that how we listen to others can have a profound influence on them. By listening well we can contribute to others feeling more empowered, creative, and passionate, or conversely, we can create the conditions by which they feel discouraged and diminished by listening poorly or not at all.

8. Spend the remaining part of the activity carefully reviewing and discussing with the group the handout "Listening Well" which is written specifically about outreach to chronically homeless people. Invite different people in the group to read aloud the seven statements, allowing for some discussion after each one.

Purpose: To recognize the vital importance of listening in outreach and to develop practice skills in the three basic levels of reflective listening

Time: 35-40 minutes

Materials:

Handout: Reflective Listening

Handout: Reflective Responses

Preparation:

Reflective listening is an approach to listening that seeks understanding, not necessarily agreement. It seeks to understand both the meaning of what is being said aloud and what is not. Reflective listening is an attentive, respectful, non-judgmental approach to providing care.

People experiencing homelessness express gratitude when outreach workers (and others) are willing to take the time and effort to understand, rather than giving advice or leaping into a "fix-it" mode. Reflective listening is a way of offering true hospitality and acceptance.

Reflective listening is not a problem-solving approach as such. However, it is the vehicle for getting there. When someone feels heard and understood, it then becomes easier to take the steps needed to address problems. As Carl Rogers, the noted psychologist, once stated: "People only listen when they feel listened to."

While the use of reflective listening is beneficial in all relationships, it can be particularly helpful in breaking down barriers and minimizing resistance with individuals experiencing anger, frustration, or are feeling "stuck." It does not try to control, but to empower.

Outreach workers must use reflective listening carefully. It is not just a parroting technique; it must derive from genuine caring. Otherwise, it becomes a fraudulent exercise.

For some background reading about effective listening in preparation for this activity, go to http://www.ianr.unl.edu/pubs/family/g1092.htm#lrl. You will find there an article by Herbert G. Lingren entitled "Listening – With Your Heart As Well As Your Ears."

Procedure:

1. By way of introduction, summarize the comments above in the preparation section.

2. Distribute and go over the content on the Reflective Listening handout. Emphasize that in order to listen effectively, one needs to listen reflectively. Be sure to review and thoroughly discuss the three basic levels of reflective listening: repeating or rephrasing, paraphrasing, and reflection of feeling. These constitute the core skills of listening well.

3. Distribute the handout: Reflective Responses to begin the practice phase of the activity. Stay in the large group or divide into smaller groups.

4. Explain that for each sentence stem on the handout, participants are to come up with various examples of reflective listening responses, starting with the first level (repeating or rephrasing), then the second (paraphrasing), and the third level (reflection of feeling). Remember to emphasize that in "real life" all levels are useful and should be intermingled.

5. Continue the activity by moving into role-playing in pairs. Each partner can take turns being the reflective listener/outreach worker while the other, playing the role of a homeless person, talks about any topic they wish for several minutes. Encourage the listener to use all three levels of reflective listening at least one or two times each during the role-play.

6. Close the activity by eliciting comments from participants about how they experienced reflective listening in the roles of being the one being listened to and being the listener.

Purpose: To practice paraphrasing – the "second level" of reflective listening that goes beyond a simple restatement to a level in which the listener makes a guess, or tests a hypothesis, about what the speaker means.

Time: 10-15 minutes

Materials: None

Preparation: Refer to the Reflective Listening handout in Activity III in this section for a refresher on the three basic levels of reflective listening. Review the activity described below and try it out with someone in preparation for facilitating the exercise.

1. Introduce this simple activity by explaining that its purpose is to illustrate paraphrasing – the second level of reflective listening. Remind participants of the three levels of reflective listening.

2. Form into groups of three. One person makes a general statement of a personal nature such as "I am a creative person", "I like to be organized", "I’m adventurous", etc.

3. The other two participants try to understand more fully what the person might mean by his/her statement. They take turns making "educated guesses" by asking: "You mean that … ?" For example, to a person who says "I am creative" the listener might ask: "You mean that you like to make things with your hands?" or "You mean you like to write poetry?" or "…play music?" "…cook special meals?" "… make puns?" … etc.

4. To each question the speaker indicates whether the guess is true, not true, or perhaps partly so without further elaboration and then responds to the next question. The exercise continues with questioners putting forth their hypotheses in a fairly rapid-fire manner so that a number of possibilities are explored.

5. Allow two to three minutes for each speaker to field and respond to questions others may have. Give each person in the group a chance to make a personal statement and receive questions.

6. Conclude by noting that by asking "leading questions" such as "You mean that …?" one can learn a great deal about another person.

Purpose: To practice the skill of summarizing – a particular application of reflective listening

Time: 25 minutes

Materials: Handout: Summarizing

Preparation:

Review the handout. Summarizing statements provide a checkpoint to test whether accurate communication is occurring and provide an opportunity for clarification and amplification of what is being said. Summarizing also provides the speaker with concrete evidence that he or she is being heard. Often times summarizing can lead to taking the "next steps" in the change process.

Note that summarizing is especially useful at transition points in the conversation. When making a summary statement, it is valuable to emphasize the individual’s "change statements" that indicate problem recognition, concern, intent to change, or optimism about change being possible. Conversely, summarizing can also be used effectively when someone is expressing ambivalence or even denying that a problem exists.

Procedure:

1. Distribute the handout to the group. Review the structure of making summarizing statements and discuss when it is particularly helpful to make such statements. Emphasize focusing on change statements when summarizing.

2. Divide into pairs and set up a role-play between a person experiencing homelessness and an outreach worker. Have the speaker, playing the role of a homeless person, talk about any topic of his/her choosing for up to five minutes. The listener is instructed to make approximately three summarizing statements during this time at appropriate intervals in the conversation. Emphasize the need for the listener to pay attention to change statements when summarizing. At the end of the conversation, instruct the listener to make a final statement that summarizes the whole of the preceding conversation. Remember that these statements are to be concise and take relatively little time.

3. Reverse roles and follow the same instructions as in step two. Debrief the activity after participants have had the opportunity to play both roles.

Purpose: To assess your own listening skills

Time: 10 minutes

Materials: Computer with web access

Preparation: Go to http://www.highgain.com/SELF/index.php3 or search for International Listening Association, click on Listening Resources, and again on Listening Self-Assessment. This is one of a number of websites with self-assessment tools for listening skills. You may want to browse for others as well.

Procedure:

1. Take the self-assessment and check your scores.

2. Take time to reflect on what this might tell you about your listening skills. Discuss this with another person if you wish and request feedback from them.

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This project was funded through a Cooperative Agreement with the Health Care for the Homeless Branch, Division of Programs for Special Populations of the Bureau of Primary Health Care/HRSA January 2002.